Pieces of a Season

I am a relationship anarchist before I am anything else. My friendships have always been important. I have what I call" spurts" seeing people (friends, lovers, artists I am in awe of) in bursts then spend a large amount of time alone to recharge. I could call it seasons. 

It used to be  be solely based on who needed me the most at that point in time. I was running myself ragged, abandoning myself to exhaustion. But now it's become more balanced, based on both who needs me the most and who I need the most at any given  season of time. I'm cultivating community & care. Being intentional in how and with who I spend what precious little time capitalism gives me to be a human person lover & artist.

I work Fridays- Mondays  as security/visitor services at an art museum. I could work the 5th day and gain fuller benefits, more coin. Indeed I did/do stretches of 6-7 days a week several times a year at my seasonal (wow seasons coming up again) job at a theater or a tourist gift shop. I wasn't really making more money in the end, because with no time to go grocery shopping I was spending it all on food. ( and still behind on bills).

And I was not seeing any sunlight, only sleeping and working and existing like a robot. So I am broke. With my payrates I would still be broke with 5 days, with 7. So if I'm going to be broke anyway, I might as well be broke and a little happy. 

Love & writing are the only things I do exceedingly well. I have had to work hard at both to shed the toxic familial and cultural structures imposed on both. Using my sweat and my grace to build and mold my love & my words into something that fits for me.

My words are misshapen pieces that every so often get clogged in the machine. Someone notices the details and feels stuck too and we become friends. They are creating misshapen pieces too, illegal shapes we are told are not possible.  Flourish + flare + colors + textures banned by governments. 

And the pieces will fit together somehow . So maybe I don't have to fashion the whole weapon myself while in the interim freezing and doing nothing but mechanical tasks. Maybe I don't yet know what the weapon will look like before it's finished.

But it is a tool we are building as we build ourselves and our communities up.